Today (January 31) is the last day to save $250 and get a bonus 1:1 session with me when you join the The Shame School Community. The Shame School Community is a 52-week excursion into the heart of shame: what it is, where it comes from, the myths around it, how it impacts us, and how we can transform our relationship to it and live (mostly*) free from it(*I can't promise complete and total freedom, but I can tell you that when when it does show up it won't impact you the same way) The Shame...
11 days ago • 1 min read
You don't have to hold a grudge. You don't have to (forever) take her behavior personally. You also don't have to have a reason that makes sense to others in order to establish a boundary (or go no contact). You don't have to ask if you're overreacting. You don't have to wonder if what you're feeling is "normal." You don't have to have proof that her behavior could or should be deemed "rude." You can simply decide that your her behavior doesn't work for you. And sometimes, in order to stop...
15 days ago • 1 min read
I've received a bunch of questions about the Shame School Community and I've got answers :-) Can you share a "sample curriculum?" There will be 52 weekly, bite-sized lessons, practices, tools, activities, writing prompts that fall into four categories: general, creating safety, creating intentional identity, and creating healthy boundaries. Each lesson explores concepts and different ways to put them into practice because not everyone resonates with the same techniques and practices. Each...
19 days ago • 2 min read
If your mother has narcissistic tendencies, you probably experience shame. Here are five things you can do to help yourself: #1 Let her have her alternate reality (and notice what happens inside you when you do). I once had a conversation with my mother in which she recounted a situation that not only do I remember very differently, my husband does too. I felt myself reacting. Anger was rising…defenses were triggered. “She’s gaslighting me!” and underneath that, “She thinks I’m stupid!” and...
23 days ago • 3 min read
I got a lot of responses to "I am not chasing my mother" all basically saying the same thing: "I WISH my mother would just leave me alone...she chases me, not the other way around!" More specifically... What if I am the one who want to move on but my mother doesn’t let me do it? I am divorced and she doesn’t accept it. She is always in the victim role and she keeps saying that she is dreaming of me and my ex-husband remarried. I blocked her so that she cannot text me privately, but she keeps...
27 days ago • 2 min read
Question from a reader: How do I feel less sad and let go of the relationship I wish I had? The context: My mother is constantly critical. I don't think she likes herself (and I am a lot like her). I feel as though I will always be the little kid or dumb one in any situation, and I am 49! I have not told her I have cut ties; I simply avoid her because she has started to be critical of my children to their faces. I don't hate her, but I don't want to stick my hand out to be slapped anymore. I...
29 days ago • 3 min read
I recently participated in Rauhnächte, the ancient "time between the years" ritual in Alpine, Celtic, and Germanic cultures in which you write down 13 wishes on separate pieces of paper and then, starting on December 24, you release one each night (without looking). I lit mine on fire! After 12 nights, you are left with one, and this is the one you are meant to bring into the new year...and make happen. I was gobsmacked when I opened that final wish. When I wrote them down (which I did over...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
[New and improved Shame School is coming back soon. Click here to get on the wait list!] “The good dwarves felt pity for the prince and gave him the glass coffin in which Snow White lay. The prince had his servants carry it away on their shoulders. But it happened that one of them stumbled on some brush, and this dislodged from Snow White’s throat the piece of poisoned apple the evil Queen had given her. Not long afterwards, she opened her eyes, lifted the lid from her coffin, sat up, and was...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read