Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
the paradox of shameis shaming shamejust creates more shame.so what if we kissed it instead?let the warmth of being metdissolve every storythat insisted love only arrives after perfection. Christopher Sexton That's it for today. Much, much love, Karen JOIN THE SHAME SCHOOL COMMUNITY
IMPORTANT Pre-S: As of November 1, I will no longer be using Kit to send my Love Notes. Find me here: The Shame Whisperer "Who do you think you are?! The universe doesn't revolve around you!" Did your mother ever say that one? Mine did. Over time, it became part of an internalized, shame-based identity: "I'm a self spoiled brat." I hear it much differently now. I hear projection (putting her own hidden feelings onto me) and resentment (which is a part of envy). To decenter means shifting your...
I once worked with a (physical) pain coach. The quick version of my story is that I have experienced chronic pain since around 2009, which is when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Not to mention childhood trauma, hypervigilence, and a previously unchecked desire to prove something (which took the form of being a badass at the gym). Since then I've done all sorts of things: chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, Advil, naturopathic care, alopathic care, exercise, stretching, yoga...all with...
...that you can now join the Shame School Community on a monthly subscription basis ($75/month, cancel any time). Format: Community Zoom calls several times a month at various times to accommodate different schedules and timezones, for connection, coaching, questions, discussion, and celebration Community: The Shame School Community is hosted on the Heartbeat platform, which includes comprehensive course material (see next bullet), a place to gather and share, and a calendar of all calls and...
[Pre-S: THANK YOU to all who answered this survey. It's still available if you'd like to share your thoughts and be entered to win a complimentary 90-minute session with me] Question from a reader: I grew up with a lot of stigma around medication. My mom misused and abused prescription (not her rx) drugs. I'm exploring medicines now, and it's hard for me to untangle her poor choices (using drugs for numbing) versus my actual diagnosed need to treat a mental illness. What comes up is, am I a...
Why haven't you joined the Shame School Community? I created a survey (which you can take anonymously) and because I want a lot of responses, I am offering a chance to win a free 90-minute "no strings" coaching call. Click here to share your thoughts. Much, much love, Karen
Shame makes you think you're the only one. I know this. And yet, there I was at an event the other day, feeling isolated and alone with what felt like a shameful secret (a continuation of what I wrote about last week. When I shared what I was grappling with, actually said it out loud, someone said, "me too...half the women here are in that same position." Oh. I am not the only one who thinks I am the only one. You are not the only one who thinks you're the only one. Even when it feels like...
When I became my grandmother's legal guardian in 2011 she lived at home, alone. She was 94 and managing pretty well, considering. She was also frail and exhibiting signs of mild dementia, but otherwise healthy. What I remember most about that time is how her neighbors, her long-time lawyer and friend (who urged her to name me legal guardian), and my mother (who lived about 400 miles away), were concerned that she would fall and break a hip, that she needed more in-home assistance, that she...
"The cure for pain is in the pain." ~ Rumi Before leaving for college I remember thinking: "no one will know me there...I can start over...be someone else." It wasn't the first time I'd had that kind of thought and it certainly wasn't the last time. I had a version of that thought a few days ago. I wanted to run away. Not from home. Not from my husband. From myself. I am sitting here, having typed that, feeling the familiar sharp, prickly ache in my throat and behind my eyes. Stuck. Trapped....
I have often wondered why it feels like there’s nothing to forgive my father for, and/or why I have never felt significantly angry at – or hurt – by him. If you’ve been around for a while (or if you’ve read You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma and Shame), you know that I mostly speak warmly of him and our relationship, even though he and my mother were divorced when I was two, even though I didn’t see much of him as I was growing up, and even though he was willing to give up...