Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
see it clearly
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Healing your mother wound does not necessarily mean healing the relationship you have with your mother, it's about healing the relationship you have with yourself, as a result of the relationship you had with your mother. @byermeas If your mother doesn't love you, that's not your failure, it's hers. You didn't fail to get her love, she failed to love you. bell hooks teaches us that abuse and love are mutually exclusive...they can't coexist. Your mother might believe she loves you, she may say those words, but her actions contradict her words. You get to decide whether her actions feel loving or not. You no longer have to doubt or pretend or gaslight yourself. Learning this can release the hold your abusive mother has on you and can relieve you of any obligation you may feel towards her. See clearly and make choices from there. Much, much love, Karen
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Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
"Things that are alive want to flourish." ~ Lindsay Gibson in this NYT interview Compassion For Your Parents Can Be A Trap Shame does NOT want us to flourish. At best, it blunts and dims us, keeping us small. At worst, it annihilates us. It destroys our relationship with our actual experiences, feelings, and true selves. Not because we deserve it, although when internalized it feels that way...as if it were etched in stone and written in the stars. Permanent. At worst, there were times when I...
[listen to me read this over on Substack] “The revolution will NOT be psychologized.The revolution will be alchemized.The revolution will be ancestoralized.The revolution will be an offering.The revolution will be a flood of grace.The revolution will be ritualized.The revolution will be poeticized.” — From The Emerald podcast episode “The Revolution Will Not Be Psychologized” by Joshua Michael Schrei When we are born, we have both the fire of the opal and the watery coolness of oceans within...
Question from a reader: My mother has been a hurtful presence in my life for as long as I can remember. I am going to my home country soon and need to decide if I will visit her. If she was a reasonable distance from where I will be, I would go, but she is in a city that is a day-trip each way by train or driving. At least seven hours each way. I’m trying to decide if a 45-minute visit (which is probably all she'd want) is worth the 14+ hours of travel, when we have other family and friends...