Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
see it clearly
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Healing your mother wound does not necessarily mean healing the relationship you have with your mother, it's about healing the relationship you have with yourself, as a result of the relationship you had with your mother. @byermeas If your mother doesn't love you, that's not your failure, it's hers. You didn't fail to get her love, she failed to love you. bell hooks teaches us that abuse and love are mutually exclusive...they can't coexist. Your mother might believe she loves you, she may say those words, but her actions contradict her words. You get to decide whether her actions feel loving or not. You no longer have to doubt or pretend or gaslight yourself. Learning this can release the hold your abusive mother has on you and can relieve you of any obligation you may feel towards her. See clearly and make choices from there. Much, much love, Karen
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Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
“She said, you met a lot of hurt people who wanted you to feel the same/you used to tune them out, but now/in the quiet corners of your day/you regurgitate all of the negative opinions they used to throw your way…” ~ poet Rebecca Dupas What her brilliance here. Much, much love, Karen We slay that dragon in Shame School. Get on the wait list.
I received many responses to "when your mother hates you" and wanted to share this one: "...it goes both ways. It's only human of us to hate them sometimes, too. I actually made an ENORMOUS stride of progress a couple months ago when I admitted to myself I was feeling hatred toward my mother. I was in an awful but all too familiar moment of anger and frustration towards her, and I can't remember if I said it out loud to myself or just in my head, but the words were, "I hate her." Immediately...
She was celebrating a significant career achievement at a large public event where she would be honored and where she was keynote speaker. As she was leaving the hotel suite where colleagues, friends, and family had gathered prior to the event, her mother, who was behind her, yelled out: "You know...you look fat in that dress!" She froze. Then had the wherewithal to turn and say, her voice taut with pain, "MOTHER!" before rushing to a restroom where she cried as a friend consoled her. Later,...