Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
things that are alive want to flourish
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"Things that are alive want to flourish." ~ Lindsay Gibson in this NYT interview Compassion For Your Parents Can Be A Trap Shame does NOT want us to flourish. At best, it blunts and dims us, keeping us small. At worst, it annihilates us. It destroys our relationship with our actual experiences, feelings, and true selves. Not because we deserve it, although when internalized it feels that way...as if it were etched in stone and written in the stars. Permanent. At worst, there were times when I felt there was no coming back from how bad I must be. At best, I was pathetic. I was alive, yes, but I was half dead inside. Frozen. Coping. I wanted to flourish. I wanted to turn towards the sun and receive the goodness of life. To be my favorite self. Every time I tried and didn't succeed, it became one more thing wrong with me. What I didn't understand was that flourishing felt dangerous to my body...because it meant betraying my mother. It wasn't safe. We begin to flourish when we feel safe enough...when we work with our minds and our bodies in a non-threatening, non-coercive, organic way rather than trying to "hack" our mindsets and nervous systems. To flourish means to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favorable environment. Whether you work with me in Shame School or 1:1, I am here to help you to create the favorable conditions and environment for you to flourish and be your favorite self. Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
“She said, you met a lot of hurt people who wanted you to feel the same/you used to tune them out, but now/in the quiet corners of your day/you regurgitate all of the negative opinions they used to throw your way…” ~ poet Rebecca Dupas What her brilliance here. Much, much love, Karen We slay that dragon in Shame School. Get on the wait list.
I received many responses to "when your mother hates you" and wanted to share this one: "...it goes both ways. It's only human of us to hate them sometimes, too. I actually made an ENORMOUS stride of progress a couple months ago when I admitted to myself I was feeling hatred toward my mother. I was in an awful but all too familiar moment of anger and frustration towards her, and I can't remember if I said it out loud to myself or just in my head, but the words were, "I hate her." Immediately...
She was celebrating a significant career achievement at a large public event where she would be honored and where she was keynote speaker. As she was leaving the hotel suite where colleagues, friends, and family had gathered prior to the event, her mother, who was behind her, yelled out: "You know...you look fat in that dress!" She froze. Then had the wherewithal to turn and say, her voice taut with pain, "MOTHER!" before rushing to a restroom where she cried as a friend consoled her. Later,...