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I was not aware...
...that Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, whom I quoted in my previous email, had a history of sexual abuse and rape of both women and men. Thank you to those who shared this with me. Much, much love, Karen
Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
"Boundaries are your values in action." ~ Randi Buckley When you have an abusive mother it can be hard to discern whether your values are actually yours. Not to mention that sometimes what we see as a value is actually a stress/survival/trauma response. For example, you may say you value compassion and then feel guilty when you set a boundary with your mother. As clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy says, that's not guilt. It's the pressure of being responsible for whatever she's feeling,...
I am thrilled to be one of 12 trauma-informed experts who are part of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, a free online event created specifically for those who struggle as a result of a mother wound. Collectively, we are dedicated to helping you overcome the devastating impact of having an emotionally abusive mother. This event takes place September 23 - 25 and each presentation is geared toward this shared experience, making it more effective and relatable than mainstream self-help. My...
First: I am excited to be participating (for the second time) in Laura Connell's FREE Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers online event along with these speakers. The event takes place September 23-25 and is designed to help us heal from the far-ranging effects of an emotionally abusive mother. Sign-up details coming next week. Second: Kate Farrell and I are teaming up for a juicy 90-minute event: The Four Tasks of Psyche: Take the Heroine’s Journey and Move Past Mother-Daughter Trauma. Join us...
Kate Farrell and I are collaborating once again to share myth and magic. :-) The Four Tasks of Psyche: Take the Heroine’s Journey and Move Past Mother-Daughter Trauma Join us for an enlightening conversation discussing the archetypes in the Greek Myth of “Psyche and Eros” and the empowering practices in You Are Not Your Mother. This is sure to be a lively, interactive exchange! Kate will retell the story of the formidable labors of Psyche and I will be sharing the related modern-day...
We tend to fear shame and to shame fear. Most (if not all) familiar conflict and estrangement is the result of feeling chronically unsafe and/or an inability or unwillingness to accept that someone might feel chronically unsafe around us. Full. Stop. "Humans, as social mammals, are on an enduring lifelong quest to feel safe." ~ Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory: A Science of Safety Whether it's logical or makes sense to you or them doesn't matter. I can tell you this from personal experience:...
[Pre-S Shame School starts September 16. Click here to get on the wait list.] It's been a little while :-) How are ya? I am fully recovered from my double mastectomy in March and am enjoying the "flat" life way more than I could have imagined. In fact, I put on my "foobs*" on today because I thought they would make the shirt I was wearing look better, but they didn't. And not only that, they feel so weird. So I took them off.[*aka fake boobs, aka prosthetics] And? This is the longest I've...
A quick one for this Friday afternoon. This mother is estranged from two of her three adult children. In this Tiktok she talks about what it looks like to take responsibility for abusing them without shaming herself. Her's is a beautiful example of ongoing healing and unshaming. Much, much love, Karen
“She said, you met a lot of hurt people who wanted you to feel the same/you used to tune them out, but now/in the quiet corners of your day/you regurgitate all of the negative opinions they used to throw your way…” ~ poet Rebecca Dupas Watch her brilliance here. Much, much love, Karen We slay that dragon in Shame School. Get on the wait list.
I received many responses to "when your mother hates you" and wanted to share this one: "...it goes both ways. It's only human of us to hate them sometimes, too. I actually made an ENORMOUS stride of progress a couple months ago when I admitted to myself I was feeling hatred toward my mother. I was in an awful but all too familiar moment of anger and frustration towards her, and I can't remember if I said it out loud to myself or just in my head, but the words were, "I hate her." Immediately...