Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
this I believe
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Being intentional with the way you relate to yourself re-forms your understanding how you deserve to be treated. You can influence how you feel about who you are without controlling who you are. Connection is more powerful than control. It takes more creativity and time, but it is also deeper and lasts much longer. What would connection to (versus control of) yourself look like? Are you willing to be creative and take the time to connect to yourself? You do not need to be perfect. But you can be compassionately accountable to yourself and to your healing. The most protective thing you can do for yourself is develop a relationship where you trust yourself to be supportive of yourself rather than shaming or mean. When you punish yourself and inflict intentional pain on yourself, you abandon yourself...you teach yourself not to trust yourself. The way you talk about yourself, to yourself, and the way you interpret your actions, will become an identity that influences the way you will act in the future. Much, much love, Karen
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Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Being chronically* resentful/offended/hurt by her behavior isn’t required for you to establish boundaries. Or limit contact. Or even to stop talking to her altogether. You can simply decide her behavior doesn’t work for you** *The key word here is “chronically.” Obviously, all feelings are valid and all feelings point us in the direction of our needs, preferences, desires, etc., so don’t demonize these emotions, but if you’re tired of feeling that way…just know you don’t have to feel that way...
It's been three weeks and two days since my double mastectomy (thank you for all the good wishes...I am doing great!). The TL;DR is that I had non-invasive DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my right breast. After a lumpectomy to remove it at the end of October (and a plan to have radiation and to take an estrogen blocker, which I really, really didn't to do), my right breast became so severely deformed that there was no real choice but to remove it. After a consultation with a breast cancer...
[Pre S. I know I initially said that today would be the last day to register for Shame School but I know many, myself included, are participating in the economic boycott, so tomorrow, Saturday, March 1 will be the last day to register.] I am my mother's savage daughter,the one who runs barefoot cursing sharp stones.I am my mother's savage daughter,I will not cut my hair, I will not lower my voice. ~~~ I smiled big and made a plan when I saw this meme because I have some Welsh blood running...