Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
who are you beyond the shame you experience?
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I was silent discoing on the boardwalk yesterday afternoon, reveling in how totally alive I feel when I partake of this relatively-new-to-me activity when a thought barged in: "It's about time you figured this out...too bad it took you until your 60s." Insert sad trombone sound here. I nearly stopped in my tracks and said to myself, "Seriously? That's what you're going to offer me?" But I didn't want to have a full-blown argument with myself, so I simply reminded myself: "How human of me...of course that's where my brain wants to go sometimes." Because here's the thing: I have two identities that sit alongside each other – shame-based Pathetic Loser Eeyore who mopes through life with her head down and intentional Silent Disco Queen who expresses whatever joy wants to flow through her. I mean, I contain multitudes, but for much of my life Eeyore was the default, while Queen was nowhere to be found until I sought her out on purpose. Being able to say to ourselves, in a self-shaming moment, "How human of me..." is an act of re-mothering. Seeking out our favorite selves on purpose is an act of re-mothering. Creating safety so our favorite selves can express themselves is an act of re-mothering. These are skills I share in the next Cycle Breaker Summit (complete with a downloadable worksheet to help you take this practice deeper). By cycle breakers for cycle breakers, the mission of the next Cycle Breaker Summit is to help you re-parent yourself. Over four days (December 9 - 12), 20+ compassionate presenters will share honest approaches to help you remember, embrace, and be your favorite self. The best part? It's free to attend. Click here to get your free ticket. As well, I’ll be doing a Facebook Live answering questions with some of the other participants on Monday, December 9th at 12 noon Pacific/3 p.m. Eastern. Would love to "meet" you there. Much, much love, Karen P.S. If you're on the waitlist for Shame School, stay tuned for a special Black Friday offer (on November 29) for the next round, which starts in February. |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
the paradox of shameis shaming shamejust creates more shame.so what if we kissed it instead?let the warmth of being metdissolve every storythat insisted love only arrives after perfection. Christopher Sexton That's it for today. Much, much love, Karen JOIN THE SHAME SCHOOL COMMUNITY
IMPORTANT Pre-S: As of November 1, I will no longer be using Kit to send my Love Notes. Find me here: The Shame Whisperer "Who do you think you are?! The universe doesn't revolve around you!" Did your mother ever say that one? Mine did. Over time, it became part of an internalized, shame-based identity: "I'm a self spoiled brat." I hear it much differently now. I hear projection (putting her own hidden feelings onto me) and resentment (which is a part of envy). To decenter means shifting your...
I once worked with a (physical) pain coach. The quick version of my story is that I have experienced chronic pain since around 2009, which is when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Not to mention childhood trauma, hypervigilence, and a previously unchecked desire to prove something (which took the form of being a badass at the gym). Since then I've done all sorts of things: chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, Advil, naturopathic care, alopathic care, exercise, stretching, yoga...all with...