Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
on the difference between joy and happiness
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Brittney Cooper on the difference between joy and happiness: "Joy is not based on happiness or things going our way or that all is well in the world. Joy is rooted in a deep internal sense of purpose. That we have a reason to show up here and do our work with righteousness and integrity and care. And any time we secure an sustain the conditions to be able to do that, there is a reason for joy. Particularly for those who believe, even in the face of deep injustice, that ultimately justice will prevail." While this quote was part of a larger conversation she had about the election in the U.S., which takes place today, it's pertinent to anyone who is a cycle-breaker and/or who is reckoning with shame. Many of us were taught to pursue a happiness that was prescribed for us, rather than a joy we define. ~~~ I was featured on my publisher's new website, answering questions you might like the answers to, including how being raised by a narcissistic mother affected me personally, and what the relationship between the mind and the body is and how it plays a role in overcoming trauma (my answer might surprise you). ~~~ Speaking of joy, here's our girl Scout this past Sunday. Much, much love (and joy), Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Question from a reader:My mother and I never had boundaries. I let her control my life up until the day I got sober 10 years ago. Being in recovery, I understand how difficult it is for her to accept the change in me. I also understand that the way she and other family members react to me is on them. Over the years I've helped my mother with health issues. After spending a week with her a month ago I told my brothers I can’t do it any more. For the most part the visit went well. On the last...
Gimme a G! G!! Gimme a U! U!! Gimme an I! I!! Gimme an L! L!! Gimme a T! T!! What's it spell? GUILT! Here's another way to spell it: C O N D I T I O N I N G Next time you feel guilty, ask yourself this: Is it guilt? Or is it conditioning? Did I do something that is out of alignment with MY values? Or Is it conditioning? Much, much Love, Karen The Shame School Community is off to a most excellent start. Join us.
In yesterday's Love Note (how to care for a narcissistic family member without losing yourself) I wasn't clear about a nuanced subject and inelegantly missed a point. I wrote: If being consistent and upholding our boundaries isn't respected, we feel forced to do something (go no contact) that reflects our deep lack of self-respect: I'm not worth having my boundaries respected. It made sense in my head in the moment, but when I read it later I realized YIKES! That is NOT what I meant. SO!...