Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
on the difference between joy and happiness
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Brittney Cooper on the difference between joy and happiness: "Joy is not based on happiness or things going our way or that all is well in the world. Joy is rooted in a deep internal sense of purpose. That we have a reason to show up here and do our work with righteousness and integrity and care. And any time we secure an sustain the conditions to be able to do that, there is a reason for joy. Particularly for those who believe, even in the face of deep injustice, that ultimately justice will prevail." While this quote was part of a larger conversation she had about the election in the U.S., which takes place today, it's pertinent to anyone who is a cycle-breaker and/or who is reckoning with shame. Many of us were taught to pursue a happiness that was prescribed for us, rather than a joy we define. ~~~ I was featured on my publisher's new website, answering questions you might like the answers to, including how being raised by a narcissistic mother affected me personally, and what the relationship between the mind and the body is and how it plays a role in overcoming trauma (my answer might surprise you). ~~~ Speaking of joy, here's our girl Scout this past Sunday. Much, much love (and joy), Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Rejecting shame is a radical act. It is guaranteed to rock your family's boat. To choose differently than what has been done for generations. To not do what was done just because they did it. When you make this choice you're shifting and changing generations of identity and belief. You're the one on the leading edge. And yet. The need to belong is primal. Choosing differently might rend the connection. It's risky. There's uncertainty. Your DNA informs who you are and connects you to your...
[Taking a moment to welcome you, if you're new here. Today's Love Note is on the longer side, it's about a 6-minute read] ~~~ TL;DR: The experience of shame makes us feel unsafe and feeling unsafe tends to also feel shameful. This isn't a personal failing, it's partly evolution/adaptation and partly cultural. Understanding the nature of shame and knowing how to navigate it can help us feel safer, individually and collectively. ~~~ Several years ago I heard part of an interview with Saeed...
Question from a reader: “I am estranged from my mother and now my adult daughter is thisclose to estranging herself from me. Can you help me so my daughter will feel loved by me? So I don’t repeat the patterns?” I applaud you for your awareness, the work you’ve already done (because it’s hard!), for the example you are setting, and for your willingness to do more. Your intentions are truly beautiful. Of COURSE you want the very best for her. OF COURSE you want to be part of her life. OF...