Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
on the difference between joy and happiness
|
Brittney Cooper on the difference between joy and happiness: "Joy is not based on happiness or things going our way or that all is well in the world. Joy is rooted in a deep internal sense of purpose. That we have a reason to show up here and do our work with righteousness and integrity and care. And any time we secure an sustain the conditions to be able to do that, there is a reason for joy. Particularly for those who believe, even in the face of deep injustice, that ultimately justice will prevail." While this quote was part of a larger conversation she had about the election in the U.S., which takes place today, it's pertinent to anyone who is a cycle-breaker and/or who is reckoning with shame. Many of us were taught to pursue a happiness that was prescribed for us, rather than a joy we define. ~~~ I was featured on my publisher's new website, answering questions you might like the answers to, including how being raised by a narcissistic mother affected me personally, and what the relationship between the mind and the body is and how it plays a role in overcoming trauma (my answer might surprise you). ~~~ Speaking of joy, here's our girl Scout this past Sunday. Much, much love (and joy), Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
If you're here, it's probably because you have a mother who exhibits some combination of narcissism, abuse, cruelty, codependence, emotional enmeshment, lack of boundaries, substance abuse, and/or mental health issues. You want strategies for dealing with her (check out this upcoming boundaries workshop)...and to heal from being raised by her (go deeper in the Shame School Community). But it's not lost on you that you, your mother, and her mother, and me, my mother, and her mother – all the...
If you're having a hard time maintaining boundaries with your mother (or someone else), it might be due to a dynamic neither of you are aware of: She made you responsible for her emotional experience and you agreed that it's your job. Your boundary makes her uncomfortable. Her discomfort with your boundary makes you uncomfortable. And because she's your mother, her discomfort "wins." And your boundary goes POOF! Once you see the dynamic, it's relatively simple to correct. The harder part is...
"I've been breaking my own heart my whole life," she said, "because I keep expecting my narcissistic mother to care about me. How stupid am I?" "You haven't been breaking your own heart," I replied. "She broke your heart and then taught you to take over (which is the insidious nature of internalized shame).Despite how it feels, it is not a "you" problem and it never was. In fact, from your body's perspective, this was infinitely wise, and definitely not stupid." ~~~ If you're grieving this...