Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
no disrespect to defensiveness
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You can set the same boundary – distance, disconnection, even no contact – from a variety of different energies. It could be a protective survival strategy: fast, intense, and emotionally charged. It may feel like the only available option. It could also come from the grounded, clear, compassionate core of who you are beneath any armor (said with no disrespect to armor or "defensiveness"). Both responses are protective. Both are trying to take care of you. One protects you from pain by reacting to it. The other protects your peace by responding to it with clarity. What gets in the way, what makes it confusing, it that we tend to experience shame when we're reactive. When I teach boundaries there's room for all of it. Join me for a two-hour workshop on Thursday, April 30 from 1 - 3 p.m. Eastern where we will:
Cost is $40 and there will be a replay. Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
You were born knowing what you like and what you don't like, what's okay and what's not okay. You were born with the ability to express those preferences in myriad ways. In other words, you've always had boundaries. You've always known how to have boundaries. Boundaries are innate. I've heard boundaries described as being like an immune system: it's the part of you that knows how to respond to and repel abusive or toxic behavior. But at one time in your life, stuff happened and that innate...
[Pre-S: Boundaries Workshop April 30 1 p.m. - 3 p.m. Eastern $40] Some mothers are sometimes cruel, bullying, and manipulative (sometimes more than sometimes). There's just no other way to say it. There's no justification for it, either. I mean, sure, you can tell yourself she doesn't mean it or that it's her mental illness or the trauma that lives in her body or or or. It's still not justified. Because you matter. Your dignity matters. More than anything. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. And if there was...
If you're here, it's probably because you have a mother who exhibits some combination of narcissism, abuse, cruelty, codependence, emotional enmeshment, lack of boundaries, substance abuse, and/or mental health issues. You want strategies for dealing with her (check out this upcoming boundaries workshop)...and to heal from being raised by her (go deeper in the Shame School Community). But it's not lost on you that you, your mother, and her mother, and me, my mother, and her mother – all the...