Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
boundaries are like an immune system
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You were born knowing what you like and what you don't like, what's okay and what's not okay. You were born with the ability to express those preferences in myriad ways. In other words, you've always had boundaries. You've always known how to have boundaries. Boundaries are innate. I've heard boundaries described as being like an immune system: it's the part of you that knows how to respond to and repel abusive or toxic behavior. But at one time in your life, stuff happened and that innate ability was undermined and compromised. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your infinitely wise nervous system learned it was safer not to have or express boundaries. So now it might feel like you have to learn from scratch...it may also feel unsafe. What I know for sure is that you have everything you need, right inside yourself, to remember what's true and to feel safe. How? By unshaming those early experiences and acknowledging that your innate ability to express your boundaries in the face of abuse and dysfunctional behavior was squashed and became internalized on a bodily level.
Cost is $40 and there will be a replay! Much, much love, Karen P.S. Related: The Generation That Refuses To Caregive is an excellent, nuanced conversation about something many of us are grappling with. |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
[Pre-S: Boundaries Workshop April 30 1 p.m. - 3 p.m. Eastern $40] Some mothers are sometimes cruel, bullying, and manipulative (sometimes more than sometimes). There's just no other way to say it. There's no justification for it, either. I mean, sure, you can tell yourself she doesn't mean it or that it's her mental illness or the trauma that lives in her body or or or. It's still not justified. Because you matter. Your dignity matters. More than anything. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. And if there was...
If you're here, it's probably because you have a mother who exhibits some combination of narcissism, abuse, cruelty, codependence, emotional enmeshment, lack of boundaries, substance abuse, and/or mental health issues. You want strategies for dealing with her (check out this upcoming boundaries workshop)...and to heal from being raised by her (go deeper in the Shame School Community). But it's not lost on you that you, your mother, and her mother, and me, my mother, and her mother – all the...
If you're having a hard time maintaining boundaries with your mother (or someone else), it might be due to a dynamic neither of you are aware of: She made you responsible for her emotional experience and you agreed that it's your job. Your boundary makes her uncomfortable. Her discomfort with your boundary makes you uncomfortable. And because she's your mother, her discomfort "wins." And your boundary goes POOF! Once you see the dynamic, it's relatively simple to correct. The harder part is...