Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
boundaries are like an immune system
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You were born knowing what you like and what you don't like, what's okay and what's not okay. You were born with the ability to express those preferences in myriad ways. In other words, you've always had boundaries. You've always known how to have boundaries. Boundaries are innate. I've heard boundaries described as being like an immune system: it's the part of you that knows how to respond to and repel abusive or toxic behavior. But at one time in your life, stuff happened and that innate ability was undermined and compromised. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your infinitely wise nervous system learned it was safer not to have or express boundaries. So now it might feel like you have to learn from scratch...it may also feel unsafe. What I know for sure is that you have everything you need, right inside yourself, to remember what's true and to feel safe. How? By unshaming those early experiences and acknowledging that your innate ability to express your boundaries in the face of abuse and dysfunctional behavior was squashed and became internalized on a bodily level.
Cost is $40 and there will be a replay! Much, much love, Karen P.S. Related: The Generation That Refuses To Caregive is an excellent, nuanced conversation about something many of us are grappling with. |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Your mother might think you owe her a version of yourself that distracts her from her responsibility to face her own...stuff. You do not owe her that. Much, much love, Karen P.S. If you still feel like you owe her, and you want to stop feeling that way, join the Shame School Community or work with me 1:1 (when you purchase a six [or more]-session package you also get Shame School). In the Shame School Community we focus on three things: safety, intentional identity, and healthy boundaries....
I have lived my life with an anxious, terrified, shameful whisper in my brain: I am bad and no one likes me. There's no coming back from how bad I am. I can't remember a time it wasn't there. I have also lived my life being naturally engaged, sensitive, creative, generous, courageous, goofy, curious, and intense. I can't remember a time when I wasn't one or more of those things. If you have a similar dichotomy, know this: The things you hate about yourself and the things you love about...
"My mother doesn't understand my boundaries! She doesn't get it when I ask her not to post photos of my kids on social media. She says it's not hurting anything and wants to know why it bothers me. I never know what to say because then I start to question whether I am just trying to punish her. I am so frustrated!" She understands your request, but she rejects your authority to make it. So it makes all the sense in the world that you're frustrated. You're clear about your request. You know...