Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
it may be shit creek...but there's a paddle
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Have you ever tried to get rid of shame? And then failed? And then felt shame about your shame? Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
When you're a cycle breaker, a pattern disrupter...declaring "This ends with me" makes it sound like it's "one and done."And it isn't.The declaration is the start.It's words. Intention.Then it becomes embodied and iterative.Not perfectionistic (because we sure as hell don't need one more thing to be perfect at).I consider myself a cycle breaker and there are aspects of the cycle I won't be able to break.And that's okay.It can take many generations to break a cycle completely.My mother was a...
The fable goes like this: A frog was hopping along the shore of a river looking for a place to cross. He came upon a scorpion sitting on the shore. “Hello, friend frog,” said the scorpion. “It appears you are looking to cross the river. I too want to cross. Would you mind carrying me?” The frog was taken aback. “Why, if I let you on my back to cross the river, you’d sting me and I would die. I don’t think I’ll do that.” The scorpion immediately replied, “There is no logic to your concern. If...
“Well I guess I was just a TERRIBLE mother then.” Did she ever say that to you? And did you find yourself trying to comfort her? Emotionally immature mothers can't see the both/and: I love my child AND I hurt my child. Instead of getting curious about your experience, she collapses into shame, defensiveness, excuses, and/or self-pity. And you end up saying: “No, Mom, you weren’t terrible…” thus taking care of her feelings again. You don’t need your mother to declare herself...