Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
focus on being a joy and a delight to yourself...
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...rather than on being a disappointment to her. If it's hard, remember, not only were you taught not to focus on being a joy and a delight to yourself, you were probably actively discouraged from it. From earliest childhood those of us socialized as women were taught and persuaded to survey everything we are and everything we do in terms of how we appear to others. Our own sense of being in ourselves is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated by others. Others act and we...appear. Others look at us. We watch ourselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women, but also the relation of women to themselves and to other women, including our mothers and daughters. It is never too late to be focused on being a joy and a delight to yourself. This is the work of re-parenting on a deep level and I share an exercise that will help you do it in the next Cycle Breaker Summit (complete with a downloadable worksheet). This free event runs December 9 - 12. Click here to get your free ticket. Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
...that Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, whom I quoted in my previous email, had a history of sexual abuse and rape of both women and men. Thank you to those who shared this with me. Much, much love, Karen
"Boundaries are your values in action." ~ Randi Buckley When you have an abusive mother it can be hard to discern whether your values are actually yours. Not to mention that sometimes what we see as a value is actually a stress/survival/trauma response. For example, you may say you value compassion and then feel guilty when you set a boundary with your mother. As clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy says, that's not guilt. It's the pressure of being responsible for whatever she's feeling,...
I am thrilled to be one of 12 trauma-informed experts who are part of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, a free online event created specifically for those who struggle as a result of a mother wound. Collectively, we are dedicated to helping you overcome the devastating impact of having an emotionally abusive mother. This event takes place September 23 - 25 and each presentation is geared toward this shared experience, making it more effective and relatable than mainstream self-help. My...