The Shame Whispereruthor of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
focus on being a joy and a delight to yourself...
|
...rather than on being a disappointment to her. If it's hard, remember, not only were you taught not to focus on being a joy and a delight to yourself, you were probably actively discouraged from it. From earliest childhood those of us socialized as women were taught and persuaded to survey everything we are and everything we do in terms of how we appear to others. Our own sense of being in ourselves is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated by others. Others act and we...appear. Others look at us. We watch ourselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women, but also the relation of women to themselves and to other women, including our mothers and daughters. It is never too late to be focused on being a joy and a delight to yourself. This is the work of re-parenting on a deep level and I share an exercise that will help you do it in the next Cycle Breaker Summit (complete with a downloadable worksheet). This free event runs December 9 - 12. Click here to get your free ticket. Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
The Shame Whispereruthor of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Conversation with a client (with her permission): "Just the thought of setting a boundary with her brings up guilt, shame, responsibility...my mother has health issues and expects me to do everything for her so she can remain living on her own, when she should be in assisted living. She's had this sort of control over me my whole life." I asked her how she wants it to be. "I just want it to be friendly and kind and caring," she said. “I'd like my mom to give a shit about my life, have respect...
My husband Tim and our dog Scout are a therapy dog team. At the local hospital Scout's philosophy is: "Every human deserves a visit." You get a visit if you're handcuffed to a gurney in the ER...you get a visit if you're the police officer sitting next to the person handcuffed to the gurney. You get a visit if you've got cancer...you get a visit if you are the nurse administering the chemotherapy. You get a visit if you're the person in the bed dying...you get a visit if you're the family...
[AITA = Am I The Asshole, which, as far as I can tell, had its genesis on Reddit in 2013 and became a place for people to post about their real-world interpersonal conflicts and receive advice and judgement from fellow redditors. Did you know that advice columns have been around since 1690?] A reporter sent out a query asking for input on this question and I wanted to share my response with you because most of us are walking around hoping that we're not the asshole. And what if there was a...