Scene: family holiday gathering

Them: [insert the thing they say every time, which you really wish they wouldn't say]

You:

[queue anger, regret, resentment, guilt, shame, self-recrimination]

~~~

Here's how it's going to go down instead:

They get to say what they want (no matter how much you wish they wouldn't).

You get to make a request: I’d prefer not to talk about that.

[notice what comes up when you think about saying that...imagine the many tones of voice with which you could say it]

They get to decide if they want to honor your request.

You get to decide what you will do if they don’t.

Maybe you change the subject.

Maybe you leave the conversation.

Maybe you withdraw your energy and attention from them.

Whatever it is you decide to do, think of it not as punishing them, but as taking care of yourself.

"Your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it. It can be a consistent light around you that announces: 'I will be treated sacredly'."~ Jaiya John

If the idea of announcing, even if just to yourself, "I will be treated sacredly" feels awkward, like a stretch, or an impossibility...of COURSE it does. We aren't taught to think this way about ourselves (and maybe our mothers didn't model it for us)...and in some cases we were actively discouraged from it!

But it's the place to start.

What does someone who treats themselves sacredly – with respect – do in situations they don't want to be in?

Much, much love,

Karen

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