Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Shame is perpetual punishment
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My mother used to both be surprised at, and even reveled in, the fact that all she had to do is be disappointed in me and I would punish myself. This is the insidious nature of shame: our physiology reacts to conditioning that is used against us, and in order to stay close to resources, we take over and continue to punish ourselves. We live "survival mode" because our bodies are under the constant threat of shame. Simply understanding this can help us create safety and change our relationship to shame. Shame School is coming. Much, much love, Karen MEANWHILE! For the month of February am offering 1:1 coaching sessions (90 minutes!) for the discounted price of $197 (regularly $250). Click here to grab yours. These one-off Zoom sessions are ideal for:
You'll walk away with clarity, tools, and other helpful resources (including access to my online library of writing prompts, worksheets, and explainers), as well as a week of follow-up via email. Once you click the link, you’ll be directed to choose a date and time for our session, answer some questions, and pay $197. Give yourself 10 - 15 minutes to complete the questions…they are part of the process!) |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Founder of Shame School and author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Being intentional with the way you relate to yourself re-forms your understanding how you deserve to be treated. You can influence how you feel about who you are without controlling who you are. Connection is more powerful than control. It takes more creativity and time, but it is also deeper and lasts much longer. What would connection to (versus control of) yourself look like? Are you willing to be creative and take the time to connect to yourself? You do not need to be perfect. But you can...
Being chronically* resentful/offended/hurt by her behavior isn’t required for you to establish boundaries. Or limit contact. Or even to stop talking to her altogether. You can simply decide her behavior doesn’t work for you** *The key word here is “chronically.” Obviously, all feelings are valid and all feelings point us in the direction of our needs, preferences, desires, etc., so don’t demonize these emotions, but if you’re tired of feeling that way…just know you don’t have to feel that way...
It's been three weeks and two days since my double mastectomy (thank you for all the good wishes...I am doing great!). The TL;DR is that I had non-invasive DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my right breast. After a lumpectomy to remove it at the end of October (and a plan to have radiation and to take an estrogen blocker, which I really, really didn't to do), my right breast became so severely deformed that there was no real choice but to remove it. After a consultation with a breast cancer...