Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
you do not owe her this
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Your mother might think you owe her a version of yourself that distracts her from her responsibility to face her own...stuff. You do not owe her that. Much, much love, Karen P.S. If you still feel like you owe her, and you want to stop feeling that way, join the Shame School Community or work with me 1:1 (when you purchase a six [or more]-session package you also get Shame School). In the Shame School Community we focus on three things: safety, intentional identity, and healthy boundaries. There are weekly calls, pop-up workshops, asynchronous support (via the Heartbeat platform); and an evergreen course with lessons, practices, and writing prompts (hosted on the same platform). Either way, it's an opportunity to be held in a safe, personalized, nurturing space to get support in reconnecting to the parts of yourself that you may have disconnected from or abandoned in order to "belong" in the relationship you have with your mother. |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
I have lived my life with an anxious, terrified, shameful whisper in my brain: I am bad and no one likes me. There's no coming back from how bad I am. I can't remember a time it wasn't there. I have also lived my life being naturally engaged, sensitive, creative, generous, courageous, goofy, curious, and intense. I can't remember a time when I wasn't one or more of those things. If you have a similar dichotomy, know this: The things you hate about yourself and the things you love about...
"My mother doesn't understand my boundaries! She doesn't get it when I ask her not to post photos of my kids on social media. She says it's not hurting anything and wants to know why it bothers me. I never know what to say because then I start to question whether I am just trying to punish her. I am so frustrated!" She understands your request, but she rejects your authority to make it. So it makes all the sense in the world that you're frustrated. You're clear about your request. You know...
Do you know someone who tells the same stories over and over again?And you're like, "oh here we go again..."Maybe that someone is you? (pssssst...it's me too)I had a little ah-ha about it the other day. One of the things we do in the Shame School Community is tell stories. I have a specific way of eliciting these stories. I ask for specific details. I look for clues and cues that tell me how their stories land in their bodies. I also tell stories, as an example. Storytelling is part of the...