Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
the art of...
|
I have lived my life with an anxious, terrified, shameful whisper in my brain: I am bad and no one likes me. There's no coming back from how bad I am. I can't remember a time it wasn't there. I have also lived my life being naturally engaged, sensitive, creative, generous, courageous, goofy, curious, and intense. I can't remember a time when I wasn't one or more of those things. If you have a similar dichotomy, know this: The things you hate about yourself and the things you love about yourself live inside you at the same time...they always have (and they always will). And if you hate anything about yourself, that may have become an additional source of shame because we live in a world of "high vibes only," toxic positivity, and spiritual/emotional bypassing. We should "know better" than to let "negativity" in. Our struggles with shame are inextricably linked to our joy and aliveness. There is nothing to fix or improve or get rid of. I (for the most part) no longer feel like a victim of shame. I am actually grateful to it but not in a "find-the-silver-lining-because-it-happened-FOR-me" kind of way. It has shown me how... ...to express myself vulnerably and creatively and fiercely. ...to be with both the shadow and light that lives in myself and in others. ...to embody the hard-back-soft-front-wild-heart of compassion (thank you Brené Brown for that phrase). I swallowed shame. I spit out gold. We can hold both our light and our dark with equal amounts of reverence and gratitude. The inability to be with the stuff inside us that disgusts and scares us is destabilizing, dysregulating, and paralyzing. It creates helplessness. Inaction. Shut down. It literally disconnects us from ourselves and others. This is by design (physiologically) and it has been corrupted and used against us by systems and institutions. Also by design. It also makes it hard to fully own our courage, joy, and love...to be the truth-tellers we want to be. Swallow the shame. Spit out the gold. Much, much love, Karen Ways to work with me: 1:1 "We're Off To See The Wizard": A Values Workshop (June 6, 2026) |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Author of You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma & Shame and Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
I once worked with a (physical) pain coach. The quick version of my story is that I have experienced chronic pain since around 2009, which is when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Not to mention childhood trauma, hypervigilence, and a previously unchecked desire to prove something (which took the form of being a badass at the gym). Since then I've done all sorts of things: chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, Advil, naturopathic care, alopathic care, exercise, stretching, yoga...all with...
...that you can now join the Shame School Community on a monthly subscription basis ($75/month, cancel any time). Format: Community Zoom calls several times a month at various times to accommodate different schedules and timezones, for connection, coaching, questions, discussion, and celebration Community: The Shame School Community is hosted on the Heartbeat platform, which includes comprehensive course material (see next bullet), a place to gather and share, and a calendar of all calls and...
[Pre-S: THANK YOU to all who answered this survey. It's still available if you'd like to share your thoughts and be entered to win a complimentary 90-minute session with me] Question from a reader: I grew up with a lot of stigma around medication. My mom misused and abused prescription (not her rx) drugs. I'm exploring medicines now, and it's hard for me to untangle her poor choices (using drugs for numbing) versus my actual diagnosed need to treat a mental illness. What comes up is, am I a...